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1. Couch to 5k is a Jam. Like fo’ reals…
2. I am certain someone at the gym is going to be filing a complaint against me because they thinking I’m lewdly staring at them in the gym locker rooms.
Because I realize I have absolutely ZERO point ZERO idea what exactly I’m supposed to pack in my gym bag and what I’m supposed to take with me into the shower, or do in front of my locker, or do in front of the mirror or basically anything. So I find myself trying to sneak glances at peoples gym and makeup bags at the gym and trying to watch their routines to figure out how to do this shit right…. Writing that made me realize this is a perfectionist thing and I’ve got to just do some trial and error and figure out what works and doesn’t work for me… Just pack a bag and go! Now watch me go and spend 45 minutes researching 78809582901 gym and makeup bag options.
3. In my life, I’ve made some really bad choices about the people I’ve let in my life. I forgive myself for allowing these people into my lives. And I give myself permission to change my mind about keeping them in my life. The end.
4. I haven’t bought myself smell goods in almost 2 years. So now I’m currently obsessed with figuring out my perfect bath gel/perfume/body splash/ lotion combo… I know I want it to be fruity, tropically and I’m forcing myself to make some decisions this week and buy these things for myself. Yes, money is tight. But No, I will no longer deny myself simple pleasures like smelling like a delicious coconut, chocolate, pineapple, banana, bowl of deliciousness. If I live a life where spending a little bit of money of thing that make me feel good about me is impossible then its not a life worth living.
5. I love my kids.
6. My scale is off cause one of the little floor balancing things came off so now it gives me a different reading every time. I wish there were words for how frustrated this is making me. But alas there are not. But there is (will be) another $20 to buy myself another digital scale that is is reliable…
7. Beyonce and Kanye might be single handedly responsible for keep my butt in the gym and at this whole running thing.
8. Period tracker apps are from Jesus. I use the My Days ( or is it My Calendar) app and it has been absolutely invaluable to me… Learning my body is completely revelatory.
9. Now that I’ve divested from spending all my time completely wrapped up in the life, the abuse, and the lies of certain people, I’m amazed at all the things I was neglecting to do for and notice about myself. Like for real… Letting some folks go is all I needed to finally grab hold of and take ownership of myself…. And it feels good. For this I am grateful.
10. Women love hard as hell.
11. My heart is tired. I’m trying to help her. Its working. I think.
12. The library is still my favorite home.
14. I still think the number thirteen is unlucky… For why? I have no idea.
15. I slept for 0:57 minutes last nite. 57 minutes… And I’m not even tired but like WTF?
16. I’m an excellent cook. Even this healthy shit I’ve been cooking is the BOMB. I have to remind myself that just because its healthy/low fat/ low cal/ high protein/etc it doesn’t mean I can go hot ass mess and just eat 8 servings in one sittings…. Where dey do that at?
17. Men hit on me… often. I like it but I run away from it… Often. But sometimes… I don’t.
I can see clearly now the rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way.
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s going to be a bright, bright bright sunshiny day.
19. Good night.
20. SistaTV Loves you. Now you love you and treat yourself like it.
You might be surprised by what I’m about to say. But sometimes I don’t want to say shat. This may come as surprise since my life dream is to have my own TALK show. But there is one thing I go out of my way to keep my mouth shut about.
Like literally sometimes the minute, “I’m going to do XYZ”, comes tumbling out of my mouth, any intention to do what I just said I was going to do IMMEDIATELY leaves my body.
Here is a re-enactment:
I have so much guilt, anxiety, and drama attached to all the things I wanted to do, said I was going to do, and didn’t. Most of the time this is a symptom of my Perfectionism and that leads to me not doing anything at all.
I’ve always been baffled by how much telling people my goals has worked against me. I heard a TED talk about this once that something about telling people you are going to do something is almost as satisfying as doing the actual thing. And I read something in a book, about how you can immediately internalize the negative things people say about your goals and fail before you’ve even started.
Because of all this… I decided that the very best thing I could do was shut my mouth about my intentions.
I put it into practice for some things in my life and I found that I really, really, really, like just shutting my freaking mouth.
Most huge things that have happened to me have come from me choosing to or having to shut the freak up about it. I just shut my mouth and get it done.
So when early last Saturday I decided to do this…
Can I just take a moment to say that typing about it here and knowing that you are reading about it this very moment is already giving me a vision of me sitting on a couch, full of fail, on the day of the Graffiti run wondering, “Why the f**k didn’t I do what I said I was going to do?” Like if there was a panic attack thermometer I am certain I would be well off the charts.
But the thing is, I did something else.
So about that keeping your mouth shut thing… What about when its the kind of thing that you actually want to share with other people? What if you want to run across the finish line with friends and family feeling like the conquerors we all are. Like is it fair to keep your mouth shut about something that you are doing that could be fun and really great to share?
I realize more than anything I’m scared to tell people who know me because I can’t take the comments from them. Like seriously, People on the internet who hate me or e-thug me don’t really bother me. I mean F your e-life but basically… WHATEV…
But I can’t take criticism from people I know. I have spent most of my life criticized for every single solitary freaking thing I’ve done (wrong or right). Seriously, I’ve LIVED with and LOVED people who spent most of our time together purposefully TROLLING me as if they lived under a bridge or were named Rumplestileskin. Like they wake up in the morning and say the most hateful, hurtful thing they could possibly say to me. There is one person in my life who I have never, EVER been in the same space as and not had them make some kind of negative comment about SOMETHING about me. Never. Ever. No lie. No joke. No exaggeration. Every single conversation with this person some how someway there is a moment about what is wrong with me AGAIN. On your wedding day? Yup? When you had your babies? YEP? You name it… They hated on it.
These people when I would tell them I want to do something, they would IMMEDIATELY trout out all the reason why I’ll never do it, can’t do it, why I’m too this, or too that and NO, NO, NO go sit your ass down somewhere.
For the most part, I don’t deal with these people anymore. Some of them I still have to cause…. such is life. I’m doing better with boundaries and frankly I’ve given up on having any kind of positive relationship with them. So I would NEVER talk to them about this. EVER. EVER. EVER.
But the interwebz is very public. And I’m writing about it on this here public blog that anybody can see. And one of their favorite pastimes is “seeing how I am doing?” or ” Just giving me some advice, because they ‘love’ me! So I know that they will probably see this and try to shit on it in some way. I know that they are probably reading this right now… Sidebar:
Making that picture gave me so many lulz. But its not true. The truth is… This blog isn’t about them.
This blog, this run, this team, this whole life I’m living is about me. It took me 34 years to decided to live a life where I was the most important thing to me.
So it doesn’t matter who I tell or what they say, all that matters is what I do. So…
These are my new shoes. At this very moment, we can’t even run 5 blocks… But In about 100 days we are going to be running our first 5k. Why? Because I said so. You should join us. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER For the Graffiti Run with SistaTV’s Conquer Mob Team
Use Coupon code: Easter50 to get 50% off!
SistaTV Loves you. Now you love you and treat yourself like it.
Have ya’ll ever heard that horrible song? Like the most ratchet of the racthetness.
I’ll save you the click but here are some of the amazing lyrics WRITTEN BY OSCAR WINNER JAIME FOXX!
My Love will over flow and you ain’t got to worry bout my clothes cause I got my T-shirt & my panties on
Now, the fact that Jaime Foxx went from writing that mess to winning an Oscar from Ray is scientific PROOF that Nothing is Impossible. #wonthedoit
Anyway, although the song is very ratchet, very silly, and kinda tuurrible, the very core of it is the truth ruth. The desire of many woman to feel sexy, cute, and irresistible in not much more than a cute pair of panties is very real.
Every woman I know understands the power of a sexy pair of panties on her man/woman and also just for herself. Even if you are the only one who sees them, beautiful, well fitting undergarments are the secret sauce to many a wonderful, ” Bish, I’m Fabulous!” type days.
But often I find myself stuck in a loop of granny panties, period panties, and dang, these used to be cute panties. Its easy to get caught up in life, and not want to spend the time to go to the store or mall just to get your fix of new wonderful panties!
This applies for all women. But for plus size women the struggle is ESPECIALLY SO REAL.
I love a good pretty pair of panties. I’ve made it a point in my new life to ALWAYS wear pretty panties that I love. This seemed like a perfectly reasonable, completely manageable goal for Operation Get Your Life, SistaTV. The problem is… I rarely find anything other than raggedy 17 packs of granny panties in my size.
I can fit Victoria Secret’s XL underwear but in every single Vicky’s I’ve ever been in they have exactly ONE DRAWER of XL panties in MAYBE six or seven different styles. But for the past 2 years every single pair of panties I’ve purchased has come from Vicky’s. I’ve looked elsewhere but other than the 17 packs of wackness. I haven’t found any other viable options for me. This is unbelievably ANNOYING and just plain dumb… Dear panty makers, Big booty (and belly) women everywhere all over everdom are trying to give you our money! Now, make this frilly mess in my size and SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY. KthnxBAI!
Occasionally, I’ll luck into some cutesy panties in my size but all too often they cost 50-11 gabillion dollars, and as much as I want my panties to be pretty… I want my bank account to be prettier. And…
I looked online but you can’t return panties (THANK GOD FOR THAT, YA NASTIES!). And it would hurt my heart to pay $12 to $20 plus for a single pair of panties plus shipping and handling only to have the fabric be wack, the cut be horrible, or the crotch material to be made from the devil’s beard. Naw, son.
Basically every month Volupties makes you a package of 3 Pairs of Underwear (Boyshorts, briefs, thongs, lace or cotton, etc in a Variety of styles and colors.) and delivers it to your door for….
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
Wait for it…
$17 dollars a MONTH…
CHILE. $17 dollars for 3 pair of DRAWS? For Plus Sizes? Obviously this is a Lie from the pit of hell… Or is it!
Seeing is believing so I had to get a package for myself. I got my package quickly, and it was simply wrapped in green tissue paper. The first thing I thought was, “Oh snap, Samantha Jones is going to love being wrapped in these. PS. My Vajayjay’s name is Samantha Jones. PPS. I am wack.
N-E-weigh…. The Panties are cayute! Ya’ll, My booty is officially going to be a cutie!
Here’s what I got!
My favorite is the pink and black one with the hearts cause Uh pink, black, and lots of hearts is basically my life. I really love the white ones too they are from Torrid and they have a cute little ruffly butt on them too! But I must admit I was salty cause they are white. I am diametrically opposed to white underwear. I HATE THEM with the heat of a million hot combs and with the intensity of a crazed Chris Brown… Basically naw, son. But I will wear them cause the ruffly butt is everything. The thongy-one is cute too and I like that its cut to accommodate the extra cushion for my pushin.
So overall I am very impressed with Volupties. The company also seems to be very customer service oriented. They have a survey asking for feedback on fit and sizes and if customers would be okay with receiving a size up or down based on the specific fit of a panty. I really like that.
So I’m pleased. Full disclosure, they sent me this package for free. But SistaTV is team tell the truth and shame the devil so if it was horrible I would have said that happily. I wasn’t paid for this and I don’t get any kind of kick back if you sign up. But if I did I wouldn’t be mad about it. LOL.
I liked all my panties and I loved being able to try panties from companies I’ve never heard of. I was able to check out the fit and the quality at a extra discounted price. I’ve never heard of SpreeGirl Curves and I would have been hesistant to spend the $16 bucks retail on the black and pink panties from them, but now that I know I love them. I’ll be buying from them again.
So overall, I think Volupties is well worth the $17 a month to keep your booty cute.
ALSO… They are running a special where you get your first month for only $12 dollars… That’s 4 raggedy dollars a pair… Chile…What are you waiting on? Get over there and buy your panties and tell them SistaTV sent you!
Volupties <<<<< That’s for my Plus Size girlies!
Splendies <<< That’s for my smaller sista’s.
Catch up with ya Girl SistaTV!
SistaTV Loves you! Now you love yourself and treat yourself like it!
I’m on a 34 day streak of logging into My Fitness Pal and according to last weeks weigh in… I’m down 8lbs. I’m having such a hard time believing it. I battled with even talking about it here or mentioning the 8lbs at all cause… ” Its only 8lbs” and since I’ve been using My Fitness Pal its been sort of (SORT OF) painless and kinda of fun so does it even count??
But then I realized that was DUMB. And SistaTV does a lot of things but I don’t do DUMB. So I got over myself and decided to discuss… So let’s discuss, darlings.
I LOST 8 LBS, SNITCHES!!!
I know what you are thinking “YAY, SistaTV but chile you were perfect before”.
That’s exactly what you said… Or Nah? :p
Don’t get me wrong… ya girl SistaTV is very cute, very amazing, and very fabulous as a very big girl. But I really like feeling healthy and last month when they wheeled me in for my surgery. I didn’t feel healthy. I didn’t feel happy. I didn’t feel strong.
Working out. Eating right. Mindful living. Are three things that make me healthy, happy, and strong. So I’m doing it.
Its always a revelation how good taking care of myself feels. A few days ago, I finished entering my food and stuff into My Fitness Pal and I felt sooo good about myself. So good about taking the time to properly care for myself, so good to be doing something that is 100% completely for me I almost teared up. But I’m a thug so I didn’t let the tear drop or nuffin. #huglife
But feeling good about taking care of myself is a totally new feeling. Not only because I haven’t done it consistently ever. But I realized now, I’ve lived my whole life with people who actually encouraged me NOT to do the things that were necessary to take care of myself. Because the I spent time taking care of me would have taken away the time I could have spent taking care of THEM.
And I was either too young, too in love, and let’s face it in some cases, too DUMB to realize the kind of subtle bull I dealt with for so long… But I’se Free now…
So everyday I take time and figure out what I’m eating, make time to move my body, and take time to be mindful of how my life, my body, and my mind wants me to care for it and I do it… #shewon Please pray for me to continue to win.
My Fitness Pal has been INVALUABLE in my health goals. Its an app and an actual website that you use to track your exercise and activity and all your food intake.
You plug in your calories and your goals and then My Fitness Pal tells you how many calories you need to eat daily to lose the amount of weight you want to lose. It counts your activity for you and if you work out you get more calories in your daily allotment and LOOK AT GAWD… Then, you can EAT MORE and still lose weight! I didn’t believe it either ya’ll but MyFitnessPal works.
For the past 33 days my goal was one pound a week. But I decided to push it a little harder so I adjusted my goals to lose more per week.
Today was my first day down from about 2000 calories per day to 1680 calories per day. I was really terrified. Losing 300 calories everyday felt like so much… That’s a nice piece of steak, a dope turkey sandwich, or a bit of cake and ice cream! I want all that. Every day. Every time.
But I’m learning that I have been an emotional eater. I hate to be restricted on my food choices. I just want to eat what I want, when I want, how I want it. But chile, that has lead to me not be able to do what I want, when I want, and how I want to do it. So something’s got to give.
This whole thing is really about me learning how to fight the anxiety that I feel when faced with restriction of any kind. But I’m ready to break them chains.
If you friend me on MyFitnessPal or (MFP) you’ll see that my news feed is full of me talking myself out of bad food choices because it helps me tremendously. I’m not ashamed. It also helps even more cause you can add friends (add me: SistaTV)! I only add people who are encouraging and can understand how REAL the chip and cookie struggle is. #thestruggle The support is invaluable. The tool is invaluable. I was not paid or compensated in anyway to write this… I just really love MFP. PS. ITS 100% FREE. FREEE FREEE FREEEE!
Anyway, Yesterday I only had 1680 calories to work with… I was so scurred but I did it! It was touch and go for a moment because had an emotional eating Doritos meltdown because of a stressful encounter with a stressful person but I did it.
I just adjusted my dinner to make sure I made up for the junk food and I even had enough for a pretty healthy and straight up and down delicious dessert. It took me two seconds to make, was AMAZING. Definitely a staple for me now. It was only 170 calories and the serving was huge. If you are tight on calories, you could eat half of it and be really satisfied too. If you guys want I’ll share the recipe for “SistaTV’s Strawberry Almond Crunch Jesus”. That’s what I’ve decided to call it because its so yummy it obviously must have some Jesus in there somewhere… #halayloo.
Alright, I’m going to clean my face and bless this day with my presence, you do the same.
SistaTV Loves You. Now you love you and treat yourself and your life like it. PS. Follow me on Instagram. http://www.instagram.com/sistatv