5 things that annoy me about Beyonce’s Instagram picture.


This is a picture from Beyonce’s Instagram account. It was of her celebrating her album release at Dave and Buster’s…. And there are 5 reasons why it really, really, annoys me.

5. Why isn’t everybody looking at HER??

You mean to tell me you get to be in the same space as  Kang Bey and your silly behind is not giving her the Voltron love stare at every possible moment?

What is wrong wit U!

If you know them blue hair bastards slap them. NOW.

Come on, son! Beyonce is right in your  face? Literally, a few feet away from you and you are looking a something else?

What else is there to look at?

Is the baby Jesus there?

Oprah?

Me?

Well, then all eyes IN FRONT and focused on the mighty, mighty, Kang Bey. AT ALL TIMES.

To quote the Kang Bey when she told them dummies who spend the entire length of her concert taping her with their weak ass Iphones instead of basking in the Flawless with their real eyes…

I’m right in your face baby, you gotta seize this moment baby!

4. How is it possible for her to look like that? On a regular ass Thursday? FOR WHY is she able to wear high heels and still smile at the same time? HOW COME when I wear high heels All I can do is shout “FIX it Jesus” as I painfully grimace with each toe toe-torturing step from seat to seat?

Fix It Jesus GIf

How is she THAT fat, cellulite, and stretch mark free?

How does she wax poetically about Popeye’s and their butter bomb biscuits every chance she gets but still looks like that??

Meanwhile this week, I’ve eaten 2 sticks of broccoli, and a half a lean cuisine and my belly and stretch marks make me looks like Jabba the Hutt decided to draw the damn Road to Terabitha on his gut. I can’t! I QUIT!

 

3. Why are there dirty napkins and dirty glasses within 15 inches of Jesu-, I mean, Beyonce! Where are the busboys? Where are the waitresses! You HAD ONE JOB PEOPLE… Ya’ll betta get Beeysus a full platinum plated shot glass of watermelleh! TOUT SUITE.

2. WHY! WHY! WHY! Is her backup dancer’s hair more Thick, more Full, and more Fabulous than my hair could ever hope to be. I bet you if you count all the strands of hair on his head there are more hairs there than all the hair that has ever grown, on my head, my mamas, head or my grandma’s head… DAMN you Hereditary Edgelessness.

Also how did he manage to keep his hair while the rest of us are running around here edgeless, BALD, and completely WIG SNATCHED cause that happy heffa had the AUDACITY to release an album and 17 videos with not a good gattdamb slip of notice to nobody but Jehovah Jirah himself…Where is my WIG?? Snatched by BEY.

I bet you Jay-Z ain’t even know. I bet you he found out on twitter like the rest of us. And I bet you when he opened them lips to say “Ay, Yo Bey I wasn’t ready”

I bet you Beyonce just cackled and said… EAT THAT CAKE, ANNA JAY!

1. Why is SistaTV not in this picture? Why Has SistaTV never met or seen Beyonce in person. EVER? Why is SistaTV too broke to even spend the 16 dollars to buy her fav’s album?

I’m saltier than a salt slick right now. I’m going to go hug myselfwhile I look for pennies in the couch, and pray for the day when I can walk into NOT TARGET and buy Beyonce’s Visual album.

SistaTV loves you, Bey. But I’m getting tired of your shit.

 

 

 

 

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