Dear 4:33, An open letter to my insomnia or How I made peace with no sleep.
Apparently, me and four o’clock in the morning, go together like peas and carrots. I keep trying to break up with him but his ass is steadily calling me, jocking me, poking me awake at 4:33 every single morning. It doesn’t matter what time I go to sleep or plan to wake up. Without a doubt a 4:33 in the morning, EVERY MORNING, I am up staring at my wall, my ceiling, or my MacBook wondering how to overcome insomnia.
Dear 4:33 in the am,
Please give us free! Us being me. Free being sleep.
I like sleep. My body likes sleep. MY BRAIN likes sleep.
Why don’t you like sleep, 4:33? You are the butt crack of dawn’s dawn, Your ass should love sleep. But naaawww… You ass wanna wake me up to kick it, to think, to worry, and to TALK…
Oh my GAWD, 4:33 why do you TALK sooo much. I mean the incessant chatter you fill my brain with is straight maddening. The only thing you ever want to talk about is troubles and worries and trouble. How you going to wake me out of good sleep every day JUST to worry about our oh so many troubles.
That’s really fucked up 4:33! I mean, I GET IT! Mostly because I spend every other waking minute in my current life worried about every single trouble I have and have had EVER. So I get the importance of thinking about trouble and being panicked about trouble….
But 4:33, now YOU have become a trouble and I can’t GO. I can’t. I won’t. I SHANT. I’m not going take that shit from yo ass, 4:33. NOPE. NO. And HELL NAW.
So listen up, 4:33, ain’t going to be no more trouble from your ass. NONE.
In the past we’ve made good use of our time 4:33, you’d wake me up and I would write, or work, or pray, or do SOMETHING productive. But as of late, you have been enticing me to do nothing but lay here bawling my broken heart out and freaking the fuck out over everything.
And uh… NOBODY has time for that. You and I both now there are some very real issues that I am up against. I have every right to depair, and cry and freak the fuck out about any one of the issues at hand but if you are going to wake me up at 4:33am every day, 4:33, then lets use this time for a resolution not more confusion.
Wake me up with whispers of winning, wake me up with inspiration, moments or peace and some good ole moments of clarity. I need some of that, TOUT SUITE. Its all early in the morning and peaceful if you don’t mind the kids snoring and what have you, this could be like my time of enlightenment or some shit. You could totally be a jam for us.
Come on dude. Stop being a dick. Stop giving me these stalker ass teas, and give me some Joel Osteen, Negrodamus, Dali Lama inspiration type teas, love.
Have me get up, get on my knees and say a prayer and then get on my laptop and write some good shit. Or film some good shit. Or design some good shit. You know something that will have me get up and attract some wealth and health?
Have me get up and send off some article pitches, or some design proposals or finally complete my website redesign or something that will make it so there won’t be SO many problems for us to talk about at 4:33.This could be good ish for us both. Wouldn’t it be nice to have me roll over and see your face and greet with a megawatt smile instead of my current daily greeting of a scowl and a shout of Not YO ASS again.
Come on, Son! We could be homies!
One day very soon, you will wake me up and cuddle me with the comforts of look at what we did, SistaTV. Look at how far we’ve come. Look at how good we have it now. Look at how we’ve won.
So I’m not going to ask you to go away. I’m not going to file any department of Ambien & Sleepytime Tea restraining orders against your super stalking Sleeping with the Enemy ass .
I’m going to embrace your nagging self and ask you to go forth with me in the direction of my dreams. I’m going to ask you to be my help not my hindrance. I’m going to ask you to help me become a conqueror.
There is something good you are supposed to guide me to and I’m going to let you. Lead me to the space where I am supposed to be and I will awake to you gladly.
So, I’ll see you tomorrow 4:33 and when I do I will smile big, breathe deep, and rise strong cause I know that you are here to help me… One 4:33am, at a time.
SistaTV Loves you.