Say Something, I’m giving up on me…Or Nah? SistaTV & the 5k


You might be surprised by what I’m about to say. But sometimes I don’t want to say shat. This may come as surprise since my life dream is to have my own TALK show.  But there is one thing I go out of my way to keep my mouth shut about.

I don’t like telling people what I’m going to do because when I tell people what I’m going to do, I don’t do it.

Like literally sometimes the minute, “I’m going to do XYZ”, comes tumbling out of my mouth, any intention to do what I just said I was going to do IMMEDIATELY leaves my body.

Here is a re-enactment:

I have so much guilt, anxiety, and drama attached to all the things I wanted to do, said I was going to do, and didn’t. Most of the time this is a symptom of my Perfectionism and that leads to me not doing anything at all.

I’ve always been baffled by how much telling people my goals has worked against me. I heard a TED talk about this once that something about telling people you are going to do something is almost as satisfying as doing the actual thing. And I read something in a book, about how you can immediately internalize the negative things people say about your goals and fail before you’ve even started.

Because of all this…  I decided that the very best thing I could do was shut my mouth about my intentions.

I put it into practice for some things in my life and I found that I really, really, really, like just shutting my freaking mouth.

Most huge things that have happened to me have come from me choosing to or having to shut the freak up about it. I just shut my mouth and get it done.

So when early last Saturday I decided to do this…

registrationI just figured I’d keep my mouth shut for the next 100 or so days and then post some pictures of me at the finish line in August and be done with it.

Can I just take a moment to say that typing about it here and knowing that you are reading about it this very moment is already giving me a vision of me sitting on a couch, full of fail, on the day of the Graffiti run wondering,  “Why the f**k didn’t I do what I said I was going to do?” Like if there was a panic attack thermometer I am certain I would be well off the charts.

But the thing is, I did something else.

Screen Shot 2014-04-26 at 3.23.24 PM What if I perhaps, signed up to create a team for a 5k in a hundred days?

So about that keeping your mouth shut thing… What about when its the kind of thing that you actually want to share with other people? What if you want to run across the finish line with friends and family feeling like the conquerors we all are. Like is it fair to keep your mouth shut about something that you are doing that could be fun and really great to share?

I realize more than anything I’m scared to tell people who know me because I can’t take the comments from them. Like seriously, People on the internet who hate me or e-thug me don’t really bother me. I mean F your e-life but basically… WHATEV…

But I can’t take criticism from people I know. I have spent most of my life criticized for every single solitary freaking thing I’ve done (wrong or right). Seriously, I’ve LIVED with and LOVED people who spent most of our time together purposefully TROLLING me as if they lived under a bridge or were named Rumplestileskin. Like they wake up in the morning and say the most hateful, hurtful thing they could possibly say to me. There is one person in my life who I have never, EVER been in the same space as and not had them make some kind of negative comment about SOMETHING about me. Never. Ever. No lie. No joke. No exaggeration. Every single conversation with this person some how someway there is a moment about what is wrong with me AGAIN. On your wedding day? Yup? When you had your babies? YEP? You name it… They hated on it.

These people  when I would tell them I want to do something, they would IMMEDIATELY trout out all the reason why I’ll never do it, can’t do it,  why I’m too this, or too that and NO, NO, NO go sit your ass down somewhere.

For the most part, I don’t deal with these people anymore. Some of them I still have to cause…. such is life. I’m doing better with boundaries and frankly I’ve given up on having any kind of positive relationship with them. So I would NEVER talk to them about this. EVER. EVER. EVER.

But the interwebz is very public. And I’m writing about it on this here public blog that anybody can see. And one of their favorite pastimes is “seeing how I am doing?”  or ” Just giving me some advice, because they ‘love’ me! So I know that they will probably see this and try to shit on it in some way.  I know that they are probably reading this right now… Sidebar:recite-573--1614704758-zf46s5

Making that picture gave me so many lulz. But its not true. The truth is… This blog isn’t about them.

This blog, this run, this team, this whole life I’m living is about me. It took me 34 years to decided to live a life where I was the most important thing to me.

So it doesn’t matter who I tell or what they say, all that matters is what I do. So…

Screen Shot 2014-04-26 at 3.44.24 PMThese are my new shoes. At this very moment, we can’t even run 5 blocks… But In about 100 days we are going to be running our first 5k. Why? Because I said so. You should join us. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER For the Graffiti Run with SistaTV’s Conquer Mob Team

Use Coupon code: Easter50 to get 50% off!

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