SistaTV and the Class Field Trip… Jesus be a Xanax…


A few weeks ago, LilDivaTV came home furiously waving a field trip form in my face.

“Mommy, Mommy, can you come with us? Can you be the Class Field Trip Mom?”

I was already to say, “HAYLE NAW!” But then I knew she would give me this face and…

Who can resist that face?? Me... but that day I was off my game... Sigh...

Who can resist that face?? Me… but that day I was off my game… Sigh…

But what am I? A monster? Like a DUMMY, I said, “Yes!” And quickly rested my hope on sending in the permission slip a skosh bit too late, so some of the other overzealous parents could get dibs on being the Class Field Trip Mom or Dad.

For a moment there, the teacher was concerned that there would be too many parents for me to be able to go…

AWWWW! Too Bad! So SAD!

I carefully furrowed my brow and tried not to shout, “YIPPEEE” while I struggled to hide my sheer elation. I choked back the tears of joy, as I earnestly said,  “Awww MAN!! WELP! That’s  just too bad! But I totally understand Mrs. Teacher. Its really NOOO problem, if you can’t squeeze me in on this trip! Don’t worry, LittleDivaTV! There is always next time!”

Next time meaning, the next time Sway is able to get the answers or Kanye West is able to control his emotions and behave like a fully rational grown adult for 72 consecutive hours… ie NEVER.

But alas the devil is a  bold face lie, so this afternoon, LilDivaTV’s lovely teacher notified her that I should report to the school at 8:30, because I had made the Parent Pack for this field trip…

This was my exact reaction! Florida knows the Class Field Trip Struggle…

WHY JESUS?? WHY!

So, tomorrow I am going to find myself on a bus and then in a museum with 31 second graders for the ENTIRE day.

All day!

7 hours!

31 kids!

30 of them who I am legally NOT able to bust up side the head, one good time if they even think of trying it with me!

We don’t even get the fun of going to McDonald’s for pink slime burgers or anything. Don’t you remember when we were little we used to go to McDonald’s after the class field trip? Or was that just the Obesity Elementary I went too? Hmmm…

Well, LittleDivaTV’s school has SPECIFICALLY requested we refrain from packing with fun snacks in home lunches!  No chocolate. No fruit snacks! Nothing…

Because I’m the field trip mom I have to pretend to enjoy my deliciously healthy sprout sandwich with a side of sandpaper chips.

And on top of all that, because all of your kids are WEAK as ever, we can’t even do tradesies. Because ALLERGIES!

I’ll let MamaTV take the wheel on this one cause as she lovingly likes to point out every time she watches Dr. OZ or sees a Claritin commercial…

” What is Allergies? Who in Ghana had  ALLERGY? If your motha give you FuFu and you open your FOOLISH mouth and say ALLERGY?? EH EH! YOU WILL SEE!! What is this KantaCross Allergy NONSENSE? MTCHEW!”

Please make sure you say that in a very annoyed Ghanian Mother accent for full effect.

I kid about the allergies, but like, what if somebody has yogurt covered raisins? What if somebodies mother loved them enough to hand make them delicious ants on a log? Or spent her entire morning constructing this kind of “ain’t nobody LITERALLY got time for that” school lunch??

 

Exactly one year ago today… Someone had a dream that her child would be able to eat MLK’s head for lunch… I ain’t even mad! Picture found on Robot Squirrel and The Monkey’s blog. http://robotsquirrelandthemonkeys.blogspot.com/2013/01/happy-birthday-martin-luther-king-jr.html#.UsHkjLSEa1Y

 

What if my dream is to trade little Timmy his hand drawn MLK slice of Velveeta for my dried out.. I mean, delicious Sun Chips? NOPE. Nothing. Nada.

Because Darwin was right, I’m going to have to survival my tail into fitness and eat my own lunch… I shall deal. It will be fine, but lord knows, SistaTV is  so not ready for a WHOLE DAY with all these kids.

To be honest, weak kids I can take… But some of ya’lls kids are bad! And in the words of my favorite old negro spiritual…Sung to the tune of “The Facts of Life”

You take the good. You take the bad. You slap the mess out of the kids that’s bad. The kids that bad. I’ll beat their A$$! Remix by SistaTV

I am being very negative in this post because by 8AM tomorrow super fantastic cheery, YAY let’s sing 99 bottles of beer on the wall AGAIN SistaTV/Mommy has to be here for the whole day… So I need to dump this here so I don’t slap one of your kids right into the lap of Jesus when he mistakes me for his Naughty Chair-ing Mommy and tries to tell me that he “can do whatever he wants!” I don’t have a Naughty Chair… I have a mean right hook.

SistaTV Confession of the day: I fight bad kids. No Retreat. No Surrender.

Sigh. I wish I was one of those rich women on sitcoms and the movies who exasperatedly walks out of a room, mid-conversation breathlessly sighing, ” I need a Xanax!”

But I’m not… I don’t even know what a Xanax really is and I am completely uninterested in finding out.  So I’m going to have to grin and bear this cloudy day of SistaTV and the Class Field trip.

Lucky for me this cloud has  the super dope extra silvery lining of,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                ” I get to spend the whole entire day with LilDivaTV and she is kind of everything. So Grumpy SistaTV is going to bed right now…. And I will dream of the hour long bus ride there spent giggling, bonding, and sharing secrets with my big girl and the hour long bus ride home spent snuggled up to my baby big girl as she falls asleep on my arm, after all the fun, fun, fun we had on “The day Mommy went on the class field trip with me!!”

 

Look at GAWD... She is truly a miracle. I'm so lucky to be her mommy!

Look at GAWD… She is truly a miracle. I’m so lucky to be her mommy!

I guess it won’t be so bad after all…. SistaTV and LittleDivaTV Love You.

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Senam SistaTV Amegashie spends most of her time waiting for someone to give her a TV show, already! While waiting for that to happen you can find her sporadically blogging her life and solving all 99 of your Problems at SistaTV.com, @sistatv Tweeting, @sistaTV Facebooking, @sistaTv Instagramming @SistaTV, and making SistaTV Youtube videos. SistaTV loves you Now you love you!

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1 Comment

  • Britton
    January 20, 2014 at 7:13 PM

    I sure hope you do a post to update us on how this trip went! I am so THANKFUL I have not had the ‘pleasure’ of attending a class trip YET! I have volunteered at many school events though and chile…the struggle was SO REAL! I’m glad that you are one of my tribe members Senam! It’s always good to see a familiar face around these internet streets

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Senam SistaTV Amegashie

Senam SistaTV Amegashie

Welcome, Darling... So I'm supposed to write something really amazing here... But in the words of the greatest philospher of our time... Ain't nobody got time for that. I kid. I kid. Kinda. I'll update this someday... but for the time being... Just click around... and remember... SistaTV Loves You!

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SistaTVs Daily Gratitude List #sdgl 
1. My #wanderlust is popping so ridiculously hard right now. #obsessed
2. On Saturday, I saw a video of a beautiful  sunset in some far far away land and said... Lord, I want to be there so bad. 
3. On Sunday, I saw this about 2 minutes from my front door. 
4. I'm still going to be living it all the way up on somebody's tropical beach paradise AyeeSAP but this aint so bad either.
5. Daniel Ceasar 
6. Happy Valentine's Day y'all. I love you. Now you love you and treat yo self like it. #treatyoself

SistaTV loves you, Sunday lovely Sundays, and Real Love. #somethingtosetmyheartfree
SistaTV's Daily Gratitude List #sdgl 
1. Good Morning.
2. The KidTVs all make their own lunches for school. Sometimes I have mommy guilt for not being the mom who is packing glorious  beautiful elephant shaped  sandwiches, peeled grapes, flower cut carrots filled with surprise organic gluten free home baked treats and notes with bible and inspirational quotes to sustain them and blah blah blah. So imagine my surprise to hear, "OH MY GOD, Mommy. Did you know ______ and _____ moms don't let them pack their own lunches? They don't even know what they are getting everyday. I would HATE that. I like getting to make exactly what I want everyday."
3. MESSAGE 
4. The way D'angelo sings "Send it on. Send it thruuu. Send it right back to youuu"
5.  TwinBTV eats PB and Js  3 out of the 4 days they make and take home lunch. This morning, I ran out of crunchy peanut butter so i open his jar of creamy peanut butter to be assaulted by literally half a jar of jelly residue all in his peanut butter... So i had to scrape it alllll out cause Ewwwwww and also #yum.
6. TwinATV takes a extra dry Turkey and Cheese sandwich. No mustard. No mayo. 2 slices of turkey ONLY. I buy him cheese slices CHEDDAR ONLY and do you know that joker does not take it off slice by slice he just snatches it off the stack any which a way leave weird shaped rando slices of cheese all over the pack. 
7. LittleSistaTV makes the most elaborate 7 course thermos meals. Homemade Pesto pasta, ribeye steak, hazelnut cookies, filtered water fancy apples and nuttella dip and blah blah blah. Lately she and I are obsessed with Cara Cara oranges... we reupped our orange supply yesterday... so she washed and brought the last fancy Apple right before she ran out the door.
8. Soooo this is my breakfast because...
9. I like getting to make exactly what I want everyday.
10. Amen.

SistaTV loves you, morning glory, and realizing that life can be exactly like your breakfasts and lunches... #sistatvlovesyou #goodmorning #sistatv #gratitude
SistaTV's Daily Gratitude List #sdgl
1. Smooth Jazz background music #wnua95.5 
2. Fancy Apples and Mistakenly purchased Crunchy Peanut Butter. #sugarbeeapples
3. Mail. Do you ever think about how magnificent it is that you can order something hundreds or thousands of miles away from you and have it at your doorstep in just a few days or so. #issamiracle. 
4. I really miss the beach but I found a youtube video that is all footage of beautiful beaches with smooth jazz playing in the background so SAME... amirite?  Lol...No but whatever I'm going to let this sucka run all day while I work to remind me that God and I are building me a life that feels even better than a beach vacay everyday. #thankyouGod #luke145 #ephesians320 #psalms465
5. I really, really, like my new bathroom. 
6. Ree sent me some Black Girl Magic cause you can never ever have enough. 
7. And I think to myself... What a wonderful world. 
SistaTV loves you, Love, and being magical and deserving of sweetness. Love yourself and treat yourself like it.
SistaTVs Daily Gratitude List #sdgl 
1. I wore actual matching winter pajamas from my actual pajama drawer cause I'm a real live grown up.  #iwentobedlikethis #ifoldedlike25percentofmylaundryalso #stilltoolazytoopullrsndomthreadoutofmyheadboardtho. #alsowilllikelybewearsamepajamastochurchandgroceryshopping #Adultinggameonfleek
2. Me: Hey Solstice did you have fun hanging with your cousin Allyson.
Solstice: Yea we were talking about DNA! It was awesome
Me. Is that the YouTuber you both watch all the time? 
Solstice: NO mommy.... D N A. 
Me: oh it's a singer? Or something?
Solstice: (stares at me in exasperated  tweenager) NO. D. N. A. LIKE SCCCIIIEENNCCEEEE. 
Me: https://gph.is/1qc9XnM
Solstice: https://gph.is/1qc9XnM
3. My ceiling fan has a remote control. This was meh whatever to me initially but waking up hot at 3am and only having to move 1/4 centimeter to turn on your fan is life affirming. #winterpajamasnomore
4. My mommy sent me 6788900 pounds of jollof. Also life affirming. 
5. The internet. 
6. Christina Chocolatina Lee made me ugly cry. #iloveyou #thankyou #luke145 
7. God is real. 
8. The monologue in The Commodores "Just to be close to you." #awwwwwegurl #somuchVALUE  #nodirectionnoPURPOSE  #youmademyWHOOOO #sugarsugaryeahyeahyeah 
SistaTV loves you, feeling like Sunday Morning, and Jesus is Love. #hewontletyoudown #goodmorning #sistatvdaily
I almost didn't make it y'all... But God. I'm so so grateful. Hallelujah, he has won the victory... #godisreal #imsograteful #conqueror  #sistatvlovesyouandgoddoestoo #peacebestill
SistaTv's  Daily Gratitude List #sdgl 
1. Me & my three... SistaTV loves you, family meal time, and patience.  #sistatvdaily
Me waiting on all the Greens Beans, Potatoes, Tomatoes y'all  are going to be making me tommorrow...? The KidTVs and have openings in our leftover collection schedule. We will bring our own togo containers and donate to the festivities.  I got $5 on it. If  you only use country crock and Velveeta in your mac and cheese we ain't coming... If there aint somebody's big ole grandma in the kitchen RIGHT NOW hollering about bring me my good roaster from out the pantry baby or hollering about  y'all aint cleaning these greens right... we aint coming. If you make green bean casserole from the directions on the back of Frenchs onion container.... oh no baby what is you doing.... I'm  kidding. Get it how you live yall... YOU NAME IT!  Eat what you want, how you want, with who YOU want. Laugh all day. Love on each other. Praise God for all you got now and are going to get later. SistaTV loves you, 4 days off, and beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes... Happy Thanksgiving love. I'm so grateful for my life, my family,  my friends and my future... #thankyougod #igotatestimony #lookahere #younameit #hedidit #iluhgod #wonthedoit #waymaker #shondo #ifeellikeshouting #areyoureadyforamiracle #readyasicanbe
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