SistaTV and the Class Field Trip… Jesus be a Xanax…

A few weeks ago, LilDivaTV came home furiously waving a field trip form in my face.

“Mommy, Mommy, can you come with us? Can you be the Class Field Trip Mom?”

I was already to say, “HAYLE NAW!” But then I knew she would give me this face and…

Who can resist that face?? Me... but that day I was off my game... Sigh...

Who can resist that face?? Me… but that day I was off my game… Sigh…

But what am I? A monster? Like a DUMMY, I said, “Yes!” And quickly rested my hope on sending in the permission slip a skosh bit too late, so some of the other overzealous parents could get dibs on being the Class Field Trip Mom or Dad.

For a moment there, the teacher was concerned that there would be too many parents for me to be able to go…

AWWWW! Too Bad! So SAD!

I carefully furrowed my brow and tried not to shout, “YIPPEEE” while I struggled to hide my sheer elation. I choked back the tears of joy, as I earnestly said,  “Awww MAN!! WELP! That’s  just too bad! But I totally understand Mrs. Teacher. Its really NOOO problem, if you can’t squeeze me in on this trip! Don’t worry, LittleDivaTV! There is always next time!”

Next time meaning, the next time Sway is able to get the answers or Kanye West is able to control his emotions and behave like a fully rational grown adult for 72 consecutive hours… ie NEVER.

But alas the devil is a  bold face lie, so this afternoon, LilDivaTV’s lovely teacher notified her that I should report to the school at 8:30, because I had made the Parent Pack for this field trip…

This was my exact reaction! Florida knows the Class Field Trip Struggle…

WHY JESUS?? WHY!

So, tomorrow I am going to find myself on a bus and then in a museum with 31 second graders for the ENTIRE day.

All day!

7 hours!

31 kids!

30 of them who I am legally NOT able to bust up side the head, one good time if they even think of trying it with me!

We don’t even get the fun of going to McDonald’s for pink slime burgers or anything. Don’t you remember when we were little we used to go to McDonald’s after the class field trip? Or was that just the Obesity Elementary I went too? Hmmm…

Well, LittleDivaTV’s school has SPECIFICALLY requested we refrain from packing with fun snacks in home lunches!  No chocolate. No fruit snacks! Nothing…

Because I’m the field trip mom I have to pretend to enjoy my deliciously healthy sprout sandwich with a side of sandpaper chips.

And on top of all that, because all of your kids are WEAK as ever, we can’t even do tradesies. Because ALLERGIES!

I’ll let MamaTV take the wheel on this one cause as she lovingly likes to point out every time she watches Dr. OZ or sees a Claritin commercial…

” What is Allergies? Who in Ghana had  ALLERGY? If your motha give you FuFu and you open your FOOLISH mouth and say ALLERGY?? EH EH! YOU WILL SEE!! What is this KantaCross Allergy NONSENSE? MTCHEW!”

Please make sure you say that in a very annoyed Ghanian Mother accent for full effect.

I kid about the allergies, but like, what if somebody has yogurt covered raisins? What if somebodies mother loved them enough to hand make them delicious ants on a log? Or spent her entire morning constructing this kind of “ain’t nobody LITERALLY got time for that” school lunch??

 

Exactly one year ago today… Someone had a dream that her child would be able to eat MLK’s head for lunch… I ain’t even mad! Picture found on Robot Squirrel and The Monkey’s blog. http://robotsquirrelandthemonkeys.blogspot.com/2013/01/happy-birthday-martin-luther-king-jr.html#.UsHkjLSEa1Y

 

What if my dream is to trade little Timmy his hand drawn MLK slice of Velveeta for my dried out.. I mean, delicious Sun Chips? NOPE. Nothing. Nada.

Because Darwin was right, I’m going to have to survival my tail into fitness and eat my own lunch… I shall deal. It will be fine, but lord knows, SistaTV is  so not ready for a WHOLE DAY with all these kids.

To be honest, weak kids I can take… But some of ya’lls kids are bad! And in the words of my favorite old negro spiritual…Sung to the tune of “The Facts of Life”

You take the good. You take the bad. You slap the mess out of the kids that’s bad. The kids that bad. I’ll beat their A$$! Remix by SistaTV

I am being very negative in this post because by 8AM tomorrow super fantastic cheery, YAY let’s sing 99 bottles of beer on the wall AGAIN SistaTV/Mommy has to be here for the whole day… So I need to dump this here so I don’t slap one of your kids right into the lap of Jesus when he mistakes me for his Naughty Chair-ing Mommy and tries to tell me that he “can do whatever he wants!” I don’t have a Naughty Chair… I have a mean right hook.

SistaTV Confession of the day: I fight bad kids. No Retreat. No Surrender.

Sigh. I wish I was one of those rich women on sitcoms and the movies who exasperatedly walks out of a room, mid-conversation breathlessly sighing, ” I need a Xanax!”

But I’m not… I don’t even know what a Xanax really is and I am completely uninterested in finding out.  So I’m going to have to grin and bear this cloudy day of SistaTV and the Class Field trip.

Lucky for me this cloud has  the super dope extra silvery lining of,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                ” I get to spend the whole entire day with LilDivaTV and she is kind of everything. So Grumpy SistaTV is going to bed right now…. And I will dream of the hour long bus ride there spent giggling, bonding, and sharing secrets with my big girl and the hour long bus ride home spent snuggled up to my baby big girl as she falls asleep on my arm, after all the fun, fun, fun we had on “The day Mommy went on the class field trip with me!!”

 

Look at GAWD... She is truly a miracle. I'm so lucky to be her mommy!

Look at GAWD… She is truly a miracle. I’m so lucky to be her mommy!

I guess it won’t be so bad after all…. SistaTV and LittleDivaTV Love You.

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Senam SistaTV Amegashie spends most of her time waiting for someone to give her a TV show, already! While waiting for that to happen you can find her sporadically blogging her life and solving all 99 of your Problems at SistaTV.com, @sistatv Tweeting, @sistaTV Facebooking, @sistaTv Instagramming @SistaTV, and making SistaTV Youtube videos. SistaTV loves you Now you love you!
  • http://mbblife.com/ Britton

    I sure hope you do a post to update us on how this trip went! I am so THANKFUL I have not had the ‘pleasure’ of attending a class trip YET! I have volunteered at many school events though and chile…the struggle was SO REAL! I’m glad that you are one of my tribe members Senam! It’s always good to see a familiar face around these internet streets