SistaTV and the Thinkings…. May 18th, 2014…


1. Couch to 5k is a Jam. Like fo’ reals…

2. I am certain someone at the gym is going to be filing a complaint against me because they  thinking I’m lewdly staring at them in the gym locker rooms.

Why?

Because I realize I have absolutely ZERO point ZERO idea what exactly I’m supposed to pack in my gym bag and what I’m supposed to take with me into the shower, or do in front of my locker, or do in front of the mirror or basically anything. So I find myself trying to sneak glances at peoples gym and makeup bags at the gym and trying to watch their routines to figure out how to do this shit right…. Writing that made me realize this is a perfectionist thing and I’ve got to just do some trial and error and figure out what works and doesn’t work for me… Just pack a bag and go! Now watch me go and spend 45 minutes researching 78809582901 gym and makeup bag options.

3. In my life, I’ve made some really bad choices about the people I’ve let in my life. I forgive myself for allowing these people into my lives. And I give myself permission to change my mind about keeping them in my life. The end.

4. I haven’t bought myself smell goods in almost 2 years. So now I’m currently obsessed with figuring out my perfect bath gel/perfume/body splash/ lotion combo… I know I want it to be fruity, tropically and I’m forcing myself to make some decisions this week and buy these things for myself. Yes, money is tight. But No, I will no longer deny myself simple pleasures like smelling like a delicious coconut, chocolate, pineapple, banana, bowl of deliciousness. If I live a life where spending a little bit of money of thing that make me feel good about me is impossible then its not a life worth living.

5. I love my kids.

6. My scale is off cause one of the little floor balancing things came off so now it gives me a different reading every time. I wish there were words for how frustrated this is making me. But alas there are not. But there is (will be) another $20 to buy myself another digital scale that is is reliable…

7. Beyonce and Kanye might be single handedly responsible for keep my butt in the gym and at this whole running thing.

8. Period tracker apps are from Jesus. I use the My Days ( or is it My Calendar) app and it has been absolutely invaluable to me… Learning my body is completely revelatory.

9. Now that I’ve divested from spending all my time completely wrapped up in the life, the abuse, and the lies of certain people, I’m amazed at all the things I was neglecting to do for and notice about myself. Like for real… Letting some folks go is all I needed to finally grab hold of and take ownership of myself…. And it feels good. For this I am grateful.

10. Women love hard as hell.

11. My heart is tired. I’m trying to help her. Its working. I think.

12. The library is still my favorite home.

13.

14. I still think the number thirteen is unlucky… For why? I have no idea.

15. I slept for 0:57 minutes last nite. 57 minutes… And I’m not even tired but like WTF?

16. I’m an excellent cook. Even this healthy shit I’ve been cooking is the BOMB. I have to remind myself that just because its healthy/low fat/ low cal/ high protein/etc it doesn’t mean I can go hot ass mess and just eat 8 servings in one sittings…. Where dey do that at?

17. Men hit on me… often. I like it but I run away from it… Often. But sometimes… I don’t.

18.

I can see clearly now the rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way.
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s going to be a bright, bright bright sunshiny day.

19. Good night.

20. SistaTV Loves you. Now you love you and treat yourself like it.

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1.  I get ridiculously sick when I'm pregnant. Its not like anything you imagine.... it's worse.I threw up at minimum 7 times every single day of my pregnancy, I had an at home nurse to come give me ivs, a permanent zofran drip in my thigh, my pelvis dislocated, so I had a walker and a wheelchair,  I broke out in itchy rashes everywhere, scratched so much and on and on and on... 2.  When I was like 5.5 mos pregnant I got so dehydrated I passed out. In the emergency room, they took an ultrasound and told me the baby was perfectly fine but they needed to keep me at the hospital. 
3. When I got up to the room, the doctor was doing his rounds and came to check on me but the ultrasound from the er was not in my chart. 
4. He called down there but nobody picked up...As he opened the door to go check at the nurses station a tech was walking by with an ultrasound machine. He stopped her and said you know what let's just do an ultrasound here again and not waste time trying to find the other one. 
5. As he was doing the ultrasound, he was chatting me up and telling me this is good that is good, but then suddenly, I saw his face change, he stopped mid sentence.
6. Whats wrong? Silence. He spent a few moments flicking that ultrasound thingy across my belly in silence and then looked at my chart again weirdly. 
7. He said, Uh so did they tell you anything was different while you were down there? 
8. I am in a panic at this point. I say uhh no. They said everything is fine with the baby and you are going to say the same thing now too, right? 
9. He pointed to the screen... Yes everything is fine buttttt... this is Baby A... He moved his probe a little a and widen the screen... and...
10. "This is Twin B." .
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