Sista Sludge…


Thats the perfect way to describe the way I’ve been feeling lately… Sludge… I’m slow… My brain feels slow… My body feels slow… My heart feels slow… I feel like every step I take is surronded in sludge… Like walking through quicksand breathing thick air… It is an effort to do anything… ANYTHING… ANY THING…

The sheer level of exhaustion I’m facing is CRAY. I have never ever been this exhausted… And trust I breast fed twin baby boys while caring for thier 3 siblings… SO I know tired… So the fact that I am sitting here almost to tired to hold my head up an write this is baffling to me…

There are some physical causes for my fatigue. My horrible, terrible, no good, WTF is it this week Paragaurd IUD is definitely a big part of the problem. Anemia is another culprit. And not to mention this extra 40, 50, or 100lbs of weight I’m carrying can’t possibly be good for my energy levels…

But just as all of that should be weighed into my chronic fatigue, I must note the mental and emotional exhaustion has finally taken its toll. I want to list all the ish that went down but I am too tired to do it… This is all a big huge problem.
Cause exhaustedly laying in bed all day when your world is falling apart around you is NOT what is hot in the streets…

Currently, All I am doing is taking care of the kids.  I feed, wash, soothe, love, shuttle, soothe, bathe and do everything that is need for the kids… I’m not taking care of anything else… for me… or for anyone else really. I don’t eat. I don’t vlog. I don’t blog. I don’t write. I don’t create. I don’t connect. I don’t laugh. I don’t love. I don’t shine. I don’t happy. I don’t ME.  I’m just a mommy or a zombie…

And in the words of the greatest philosopher of our time…. Ain’t nobody got time for that…

So I’m trying to fight back now. I’m forcing myself to live. I’m forcing myself to get over the crushing disappointments of late… I’m forcing myself to put up my dukes and FIGHT for the life I know I’m destined to live. I’m forcing myself to look at the shambles that is my life and rebuild it right.  I’m forcing myself to pick myself up out of the sludge and dragging myself back into the light.

For a while I would get up every single morning and IMMEDIATELY get on my knees and say a prayer… Those days were good. The very first thing I did everyday was ask God to order my steps, heal my heart, focus my mind, and use all of me for the greatest good. That daily practice cleared my mind, soothed my soul, and consistently led me to the greatest good. So I’m going to commit to doing that again tomorrow cause the sludge isn’t me. Cause the zombie isn’t SistaTV.

SistaTV is victory…

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1 Comment

  • Me
    June 19, 2013 at 2:09 AM

    I totally feel you more than you know. Just remember ; what is for You No one can take allow. Walk in expectancy and stay ready! You won’t have to get ready !

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Senam SistaTV Amegashie

Senam SistaTV Amegashie

Welcome, Darling... So I'm supposed to write something really amazing here... But in the words of the greatest philospher of our time... Ain't nobody got time for that. I kid. I kid. Kinda. I'll update this someday... but for the time being... Just click around... and remember... SistaTV Loves You!

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Hi my name is @sistatv ... i have a lot of stuff I am supposed to be doing right now but instead I am leisurely lying in my bed, aimlessly perusing the interwebs, accomplishing a whole lot of nothing..
SistaTv's Daily Gratitude List #sdgl 
1. First of all. 
2. There is SO MUCH HAPPENING.
3. I'm ready.
4. But like are you ever really ready? 
5. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
6. One of y'all  reading  this has been waiting for a sign. This is it. Go do it. God told me you should. You can. You will. 
7. You good you popping.
8. I love excellence... I am commited to love and care for myself, my dreams, my gifts and my needs with that same dedication to excellence. 
SistaTV loves you, quiet nights, and my wildest dreams.
SistaTVs Daily Gratitude List #sdgl
1. I don't sleep enough.
2. Goodnight.

SistaTV loves you, writing "make to do list" on my to do list, and Let's Do It Again. #goodnight
Fat Face Realness...
SistaTVs Daily Gratitude List! 
1. This is my standard We on vacation Bish selfie! You going to get this healthy serving of big and bikini and??like?? it??!
2. Uncle Teddy!!
3. Our flight got delayed 50-11 times 
4. We were at gate K-16 alllll the way at the back of big AF Ohare for 5 hours
5. Then 15 minutes before boarding they switched our gate to K1 allll the way at the front of big AF Ohare. 
6. The three little birds made not one complaint and and there was only a combined 35 seconds of me threatening to whoop everybody if they ask me for high ass overpriced in airport McDonalds ONE MO' AGAIN. 
7. You got airport McDonald's money?
8. My birthday is on Wednesday. #happybirthdaytome
9. WE ON VACATION BISH!!! SistaTV loves you, Jesus, and travelling  with me & my three. #wonthedoit #ofcoursehewill #exceedinglyandabundantlyABOVE #happymonday #goodmorning #bigandbeautiful #sistatv #thekidtvs
The face you make when the bathroom mirror is surprisingly clean enough for a selfie... #itsnotthough #lookatbymymouththerewassomedriedtothpasteorsomethingonthemirror #itlookslikeitwasonmymouth #howdreadful #howembarrassing  #stillcutetho #nonononotorious #fridayfun #yesitsmondaybutimjustpostingitnow #mirrorbackdirtyagainnow ???? #mirrorselfie #effyourbeautystandards #iloveitwhenyoucallmebigmomma #juicy #warning #readytolive #sistatv
SistaTV's Daily Gratitude List #sdgl 
1. @krazyHogbbq is DE-FRICKING-LICIOUS... Do not walk RUN THERE before the lines wrap around the block
2. My shirt says formation... I got bbq sauce on my shirt #swag 
3. Big OLE RED LETTERS with Kalidescopes aka Peaches
4. I've probably said this a gazillion times but... I love the internet... I truly do.
5. Tomorrow is Friday. 
6. The way Donna Summer sings, " so hard for it honeyyyy" and "You betta treat her right"
7. Samantha my Skinteeee Sista from another mista.
8. I promise I would have come all the way up in 2 WHOLE ENTIRE YEARS with Brandy. 
9. wtf is he doing calculations And shondo-ing all up and down messenger with Kimmah.
10. Ready, Set... Action. 
SistaTV  loves you, the BeyHive and run in to my arms hugs from TheKidTV's. #goodnightyall #lovewins #godisgood #notperfectbutprettydamngood  #sistatvlovesyou
GETTING MY ENTIRE LIFE! At Krazy Hog BBQ! Fantastic restaurant! Amazing food and drinks... FABULOUS, FABULOUS!!! DANA I am sooo proud of you!  #blackownedbusiness #chicagofood #chicago #barbeque #foodporn #womensupportingwomen #smallbusiness #krazyhogbbq #bolingbrook #sistatvlovesyou
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