Sista Sludge…

Thats the perfect way to describe the way I’ve been feeling lately… Sludge… I’m slow… My brain feels slow… My body feels slow… My heart feels slow… I feel like every step I take is surronded in sludge… Like walking through quicksand breathing thick air… It is an effort to do anything… ANYTHING… ANY THING…

The sheer level of exhaustion I’m facing is CRAY. I have never ever been this exhausted… And trust I breast fed twin baby boys while caring for thier 3 siblings… SO I know tired… So the fact that I am sitting here almost to tired to hold my head up an write this is baffling to me…

There are some physical causes for my fatigue. My horrible, terrible, no good, WTF is it this week Paragaurd IUD is definitely a big part of the problem. Anemia is another culprit. And not to mention this extra 40, 50, or 100lbs of weight I’m carrying can’t possibly be good for my energy levels…

But just as all of that should be weighed into my chronic fatigue, I must note the mental and emotional exhaustion has finally taken its toll. I want to list all the ish that went down but I am too tired to do it… This is all a big huge problem.
Cause exhaustedly laying in bed all day when your world is falling apart around you is NOT what is hot in the streets…

Currently, All I am doing is taking care of the kids.  I feed, wash, soothe, love, shuttle, soothe, bathe and do everything that is need for the kids… I’m not taking care of anything else… for me… or for anyone else really. I don’t eat. I don’t vlog. I don’t blog. I don’t write. I don’t create. I don’t connect. I don’t laugh. I don’t love. I don’t shine. I don’t happy. I don’t ME.  I’m just a mommy or a zombie…

And in the words of the greatest philosopher of our time…. Ain’t nobody got time for that…

So I’m trying to fight back now. I’m forcing myself to live. I’m forcing myself to get over the crushing disappointments of late… I’m forcing myself to put up my dukes and FIGHT for the life I know I’m destined to live. I’m forcing myself to look at the shambles that is my life and rebuild it right.  I’m forcing myself to pick myself up out of the sludge and dragging myself back into the light.

For a while I would get up every single morning and IMMEDIATELY get on my knees and say a prayer… Those days were good. The very first thing I did everyday was ask God to order my steps, heal my heart, focus my mind, and use all of me for the greatest good. That daily practice cleared my mind, soothed my soul, and consistently led me to the greatest good. So I’m going to commit to doing that again tomorrow cause the sludge isn’t me. Cause the zombie isn’t SistaTV.

SistaTV is victory…

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1 Comment

  • Me
    June 19, 2013 at 2:09 AM

    I totally feel you more than you know. Just remember ; what is for You No one can take allow. Walk in expectancy and stay ready! You won’t have to get ready !

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Senam SistaTV Amegashie

Senam SistaTV Amegashie

Welcome, Darling... So I'm supposed to write something really amazing here... But in the words of the greatest philospher of our time... Ain't nobody got time for that. I kid. I kid. Kinda. I'll update this someday... but for the time being... Just click around... and remember... SistaTV Loves You!


MERLIN AND VERLIN!! #superstars #sistatv #twintvs
SistaTv's Daily Gratitude List #sdgl 
1. I've been writing more than before. #happythankyoumoreplease 
2. I have a twelve year old. I don't understand it. #twelveyearsasolstice
3. My mom is in my kitchen making me light soup and fufu for lunch. I often taken this for granted cause MamaTV can be so much... but I'm a lot too and so is LittleSistaTV .... so I've decided to shut up and enjoy her and all of our too much. #webringourallandplenty #ghanamustgo #stayabitfirstthough
4. I've been washing my face and using my @kbyab and my face hasnt been itchy in a week my smoothness is coming back and may the glow be witcha biah... Issa miracle. #glowup
5. Solitude is necessary and so restorative for me. But it can also be a crutch to keep pain away. Balance, ya dig? #healingismadscrumptious
6. My sink has a leak... my brother  checked it, my neighbor came and went to get the part to fix it and blessed on blessed on blessed. #gratitude

SistaTV loves you, my mama, and sweeter than my solitude.
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@SistaTV loves you, viciously rapping every single solitary word of #biggiesmalls Warning, and glowing the fuck up. #goodmorningloves
SistaTv's Daily Gratitude List #sdgl 
1. 2018 shall be my year of correct answers.
2. Every single part of me feels different. Get ready its going to be a wildly, joyful, absolutely fabulous ride. 
3. Up, up, and away. 
4. If you love me... remind me all of the times... okay? 
SistaTV loves you, my old self and my new self, and all the things I will do to feel the ways that I want to feel. #sistatv #ifeelgood  #dear2018 #thankyouinadvance
Let this bless you. #goodmorning SistaTV loves you.
It's funny cause its true... ??? #issameal

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