Sista Sludge…


Thats the perfect way to describe the way I’ve been feeling lately… Sludge… I’m slow… My brain feels slow… My body feels slow… My heart feels slow… I feel like every step I take is surronded in sludge… Like walking through quicksand breathing thick air… It is an effort to do anything… ANYTHING… ANY THING…

The sheer level of exhaustion I’m facing is CRAY. I have never ever been this exhausted… And trust I breast fed twin baby boys while caring for thier 3 siblings… SO I know tired… So the fact that I am sitting here almost to tired to hold my head up an write this is baffling to me…

There are some physical causes for my fatigue. My horrible, terrible, no good, WTF is it this week Paragaurd IUD is definitely a big part of the problem. Anemia is another culprit. And not to mention this extra 40, 50, or 100lbs of weight I’m carrying can’t possibly be good for my energy levels…

But just as all of that should be weighed into my chronic fatigue, I must note the mental and emotional exhaustion has finally taken its toll. I want to list all the ish that went down but I am too tired to do it… This is all a big huge problem.
Cause exhaustedly laying in bed all day when your world is falling apart around you is NOT what is hot in the streets…

Currently, All I am doing is taking care of the kids.  I feed, wash, soothe, love, shuttle, soothe, bathe and do everything that is need for the kids… I’m not taking care of anything else… for me… or for anyone else really. I don’t eat. I don’t vlog. I don’t blog. I don’t write. I don’t create. I don’t connect. I don’t laugh. I don’t love. I don’t shine. I don’t happy. I don’t ME.  I’m just a mommy or a zombie…

And in the words of the greatest philosopher of our time…. Ain’t nobody got time for that…

So I’m trying to fight back now. I’m forcing myself to live. I’m forcing myself to get over the crushing disappointments of late… I’m forcing myself to put up my dukes and FIGHT for the life I know I’m destined to live. I’m forcing myself to look at the shambles that is my life and rebuild it right.  I’m forcing myself to pick myself up out of the sludge and dragging myself back into the light.

For a while I would get up every single morning and IMMEDIATELY get on my knees and say a prayer… Those days were good. The very first thing I did everyday was ask God to order my steps, heal my heart, focus my mind, and use all of me for the greatest good. That daily practice cleared my mind, soothed my soul, and consistently led me to the greatest good. So I’m going to commit to doing that again tomorrow cause the sludge isn’t me. Cause the zombie isn’t SistaTV.

SistaTV is victory…

You may also like

1 Comment

  • Me
    June 19, 2013 at 2:09 AM

    I totally feel you more than you know. Just remember ; what is for You No one can take allow. Walk in expectancy and stay ready! You won’t have to get ready !

LEAVE A COMMENT

Hello, Love! I'm SistaTV!

Senam SistaTV Amegashie

Senam SistaTV Amegashie

Welcome, Darling... So I'm supposed to write something really amazing here... But in the words of the greatest philospher of our time... Ain't nobody got time for that. I kid. I kid. Kinda. I'll update this someday... but for the time being... Just click around... and remember... SistaTV Loves You!

Instagram

I almost didn't make it y'all... But God. I'm so so grateful. Hallelujah, he has won the victory... #godisreal #imsograteful #conqueror  #sistatvlovesyouandgoddoestoo #peacebestill
SistaTv's  Daily Gratitude List #sdgl 
1. Me & my three... SistaTV loves you, family meal time, and patience.  #sistatvdaily
Me waiting on all the Greens Beans, Potatoes, Tomatoes y'all  are going to be making me tommorrow...? The KidTVs and have openings in our leftover collection schedule. We will bring our own togo containers and donate to the festivities.  I got $5 on it. If  you only use country crock and Velveeta in your mac and cheese we ain't coming... If there aint somebody's big ole grandma in the kitchen RIGHT NOW hollering about bring me my good roaster from out the pantry baby or hollering about  y'all aint cleaning these greens right... we aint coming. If you make green bean casserole from the directions on the back of Frenchs onion container.... oh no baby what is you doing.... I'm  kidding. Get it how you live yall... YOU NAME IT!  Eat what you want, how you want, with who YOU want. Laugh all day. Love on each other. Praise God for all you got now and are going to get later. SistaTV loves you, 4 days off, and beans, greens, potatoes, tomatoes... Happy Thanksgiving love. I'm so grateful for my life, my family,  my friends and my future... #thankyougod #igotatestimony #lookahere #younameit #hedidit #iluhgod #wonthedoit #waymaker #shondo #ifeellikeshouting #areyoureadyforamiracle #readyasicanbe
?
God in the back like, "Now didnt we told yo ass..." #exceedinglyandabundantlyABOVE #showupandshowout
And not a single lie was told on that day. #ridamndiculous #hahahell #ihavemore #itsfunnycauseitstrue #happyfriday
Hi my name is @sistatv ... i have a lot of stuff I am supposed to be doing right now but instead I am leisurely lying in my bed, aimlessly perusing the interwebs, accomplishing a whole lot of nothing..
SistaTv's Daily Gratitude List #sdgl 
1. First of all. 
2. There is SO MUCH HAPPENING.
3. I'm ready.
4. But like are you ever really ready? 
5. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
6. One of y'all  reading  this has been waiting for a sign. This is it. Go do it. God told me you should. You can. You will. 
7. You good you popping.
8. I love excellence... I am commited to love and care for myself, my dreams, my gifts and my needs with that same dedication to excellence. 
SistaTV loves you, quiet nights, and my wildest dreams.
SistaTVs Daily Gratitude List #sdgl
1. I don't sleep enough.
2. Goodnight.

SistaTV loves you, writing "make to do list" on my to do list, and Let's Do It Again. #goodnight